How I Am Seeking to Stop Hiding
The sun shines through the clouds after weeks of playing hide-and-seek, mostly hide. Everything stretches up to reach the warmth, including me.
Spring is fickle. Days grow longer but not always brighter. Bleak winter days left behind but the summer sun still distant.
I’m fickle too. One minute, I’m on top of the world. Someone my family thanks God for in prayer. A woman who knows her purpose. A life boldly lived. A ray of sunshine light to those around me.
The next minute, oh yes, the very next minute, I am in the depths of despair. My family prays but not in thanks. No purpose lived out. No boldness for God. Just hiding until my torrential storminess blows over.
But, I am not the light, and I am not the darkness. I am just a creature who tries to lean into the light and fight the darkness. Sometimes fighting well, sometimes not. I am just me.
Jesus is the light of the world
Then Jesus spoke out again, “I am the light of the world. The one who follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12, NET
I would do good to remember.
Satan is the darkness.
…turn from darkness to light and from the dominion of Satan to God…” Acts 26:18, NET
I would do good to remember this, too.
My fight is not flesh and blood, not even my own, but against the spiritual forces of evil.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world rulers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens.” Eph 6:12, NET
I do not have to be like a ship tossed in the waves of people, emotion, and circumstances.
So we are no longer to be children, tossed back and forth by waves and carried about by every wind of teaching by the trickery of people who craftily carry out their deceitful schemes.” Eph 4:14, NET
I can spring towards light from darkness. I can, but what do I actually do?
I wake up when the children do. One crying to get out of the crib. The other rattling on about needing breakfast. The day smashing into a start as I run to keep up with what is already going.
Quiet time? It’s rarely quiet here.
Or so I tell myself. But my confession?
There are moments, as they watch TV or as they drift to sleep. Times where “mother” is not called quite so frequently.
Ah, but these are my moments. I lay down and rest. I look at social media. I read emails. I catch up with everyone.
Everyone but God.
If you were to ask me who was first in my life, I’d tell you God, but my habits would tell you something else. It is time to be more intentional about practicing, not just professing, my faith words.
I want to move from darkness to light in daily life, so I am spring cleaning my life with a decision, a commitment.
God gets my quiet times first. I catch up with Him first. I relax with Him first.
I’m no fool. These are some intense years of parenthood with littles at my feet. I’m tired, sleep deprived, and waking up before my early risers just can’t happen most of the time for me. So, I know it won’t always be first in my day, but it will be first when those daily quiet times come.
The Light of the World hasn’t been playing hide-and-seek with me. Like Adam and Eve, I have been playing it with him. But it’s time to stretch up to him as well, my light and life giver.
Subscribe to the blog and get a free PDF with the Bible study method I will be using this month to get myself on track: “How to Know the Bible Better Even When You Keep Getting Interrupted Reading It.” I want to spend time with God, but let’s be real, uninterrupted study time is a rarity these days.