How Emotions Undo Me In a Good Way
She had stated her opinion. Clearly, confidently, and yet emotion had crept in where she didn’t know she even felt any. Cheeks burning and eyes watering. Where had that come from?
She’d said it before to her husband. Nonchalantly. As if some other people might feel that way, but she didn’t really.
Then when discussing with a group of people, she started to talk about what she thought. The opinion came out, and with more attached to it than she’d known she had.
Probably most hadn’t even noticed. She’d learned long ago to hide away emotions. Mask it all off because any emotion but anger can get you dismissed as trivial, over sensitive, unstable, even manipulative.
Rarely did society look at emotions as vulnerable, true, or genuine. Can’t control your emotions? Can’t control your life.
She’d heard it before:
“You can’t wear your heart on your sleeve.”
“You’re wrong to feel that way.”
“What’s wrong with you? Pull it together.”
Buried before, in a group of Christians. Her opinions invalidated so many times, her emotions ignored, until she’d invalidated herself too.
So, here she sat, in a different group, beating herself up for having felt something while she was talking. Beating herself up for hours, way past when it was all over.
Her statement had been true. She’d seen other people nod as if they felt that too. It wasn’t unkind. It wasn’t mean. It just wasn’t easy to say or hear. It wasn’t something everyone might automatically agree with.
So, here she was beating herself up for sharing a vulnerable statement in a way that had brought fire to her cheeks.
Truth started to seep in as she read:
“Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they occur. Do not multiply your suffering in this way! Instead, come to Me, and relax in peace.” Sarah Young, Jesus Calling
Was she worth having an opinion? Was she worth having emotions? Was she worth being just who God had created her to be?
Rehearsing the past was one of her strong suits. She thought of it as an armor that could keep her from having trouble again. Only it really just kept her in the trouble, trapped in the lies.
He said she was worth dying for. Worth His display of emotion, of pain, of tears.
His burdens are light (Mt 11:28-30). Could she rest in Him and trust in all of that?
Nothing is wrong with her for feeling. Nothing is wrong with her for sharing. There may be things wrong with her, but having emotions, feeling deeply, being sensitive is not one of them. It’s a gift.
Time to see God truth.
Time to God rest.
Time to embrace God worth.